TheLeadershipNotebook

I CAN

 

“If you think you can do it or you think you can’t, you’re right.”

~Henry Ford

 

 

This image greeted me on my way into my office yesterday.

 

I just completed my first week in my new position as President of St. Ursula Academy and Junior Academy. I now work with 587 young women striving to be their very best selves and faculty and staff who are truly committed to making that happen.

This week also marks the start of high school visitation and recruitment for potential candidates to next year’s freshman class. The emotion in the building was contagious as the girls, faculty and staff showed all the best that SUA has to offer. Tours, parent meetings, and an incredible, spirit filled pep rally marked each day.

It was emotional for me as well, coming back to my alma mater and feeling a bit like I had never left. But at the same time bringing with me a lifetime of career experiences.

The theme for the week was set up by our wonderful recruitment video, “I CAN”, encouraging each girl to reach to achieve their potential, whatever that might mean for them.

 

40 years ago, as a young girl interested in pursuing accounting and business, in a then male dominated field, SUA instilled in me the belief that I CAN and now I have the opportunity to see it the eyes of these young women. And believe it myself as I take on this new and very different role.

Whether you are 16, 36 or 56, believing in yourself and striving to do what you do best is the foundation for much of life’s success.

What do you think of the picture? I thought it was a good omen.

To your success,

Mary

 

 

Same Journey, New Path...

 

“Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you’ve imagined.”

~Henry David Thoreau

 

Dear Friends,

 

Over the last six years, I’ve had the privilege to work with many outstanding leaders and teams, helping them to reach their highest potential. My work has been about the positive aspects of change:  personal growth, learning, building resilience and increasing emotional intelligence.

 

Coaching my wonderful clients and meeting all of you have been so rewarding and a very natural expansion of my previous career as a practicing CPA and management consultant. 

I now have a fantastic opportunity to continue my career journey along a different, yet exciting path. I will be assuming the role of President of my alma mater, St. Ursula Academy and Junior Academy.  SUA is Toledo, Ohio’s oldest all-girls Catholic high school and is built on a foundation of educating the whole young woman: academically, spiritually, physically and emotionally.

I’ve been passionate about the mission and vision of St. Ursula since my high school graduation nearly 40 years ago. Each of my three daughters is an alumna. I’ve been a volunteer, booster and former board chair. So when the opportunity to lead the school as its President arose, I felt a calling to serve.

 

My financial background, leadership development coaching, and consulting expertise, along with my love of the school, was a combination I couldn’t resist. And the opportunity to make a difference in the lives of nearly 600 young women is foundational to my decision.

 Mary Conlisk ‘74

St. Ursula Academy

 

I will begin my role October 1^st and will honor all my coaching and commitments through January 2013. Although my external coaching will end, I intend to continue this blog, The Leadership Notebook.

How lucky I have been to have met each of you along this leg of my career journey. I hope our paths cross again soon but please accept my sincere gratitude for all I have learned from you along the way.

To your success,

Mary

Carpe Diem

“Carpe Diem! Seize the day. Make your lives extraordinary.”

~Dead Poet’s Society

 

We’re at The Lake this week. It’s our time during the summer to re-lax, re-charge and re-connect. To shut down from the everyday busyness of our lives and savor the lazy days of summer. The cement Dock that extends out into Lake Erie from our little colony even has the words: Carpe Diem etched boldly for posterity. It’s a great reminder to all of us to stop and “seize the day.”

So when we got the call mid week that a great guy (just 58 years young) that we just met at a wedding two weeks ago had passed away suddenly and very unexpectantly, Carpe Diem took on real meaning. This was on the heels of reading about the sudden death of a fellow Rotarian’s daughter right before we left on vacation.

 

So as you read this post, STOP. Savor the fact that you are alive and here to make a difference, whatever that means for you. Carpe Diem. I know I will.

 

To your success,

Mary

Your "Cool Runnings"

 

“Derice, a gold medal is a wonderful thing.

But if you’re not enough without one, you’ll never be enough with one.”

 

~Irving Blitzer (played by John Candy) from the movie, COOL RUNNINGS

 

One of my all time favorite movies is Disney’s Cool Runnings. It’s based on a true story about the training and competition of the first Jamaican bobsled team to compete in the winter Olympics in 1988. The movie is hilarious at times, but its overriding themes of perseverance, dedication and overcoming obstacles are woven throughout this inspirational story.

The term “Cool Runnings” actually means “Peace Be The Journey.” The peace comes from knowing that you’ve given your best; finishing strong, even when obstacles get in your way.

This week, and for the last several months leading up, there is much anticipation about the start of the 2012 London Olympic Games. Who will win gold in swimming, track, soccer and tennis? Will Michael Phelps succeed in his quest to be the most decorated Olympian?  

For all the hype about the medal victors in each of these sports, there are scores of other athletes who are determined to compete and give their very best effort. To have their own “cool runnings.” Their effort, determination and perseverance are part of their journey.

Applying this concept closer to home, my daughter Emily, a May graduate of Case Western Reserve Law School, took the Pennsylvania Bar Exam. Since graduation, she has spent all day, every day, in pursuit of her goal. Attacking the prep like an Olympian, she was focused, committed and worked hard hoping to achieve her own gold medal (passing!) in October. When she left home to take the exam, I asked her how she was feeling. “I did everything I could, Mom. I have no regrets. If for some reason, I don’t pass, I know I left it all on the table.”

It was Emily who reminded me about the movie, Cool Runnings.  She watched it again the night before the first day of her exam. She watched it partly for some comic relief and partly to remind herself of her effort, determination and perseverance. In the end, while incredibly difficult, the Bar Exam was part of her own “Cool Runnings.”

As Sanka from the movie said, “I’m feeling very Olympic today, how about you?” How are you making the most of your journey?

To your success,

Mary

Give Yourself an “A”

 

“Faith in oneself is the best and safest course.”

 ~Michaelangelo

 

Michaelangelo said that in sculpting his masterpiece “David” that he was merely chipping away from the marble everything that was not David. In other words, one needs only remove the excess stone to reveal the work of art within.

 

When we apply this notion to us as humans, we discover that we are all works of art in all our varied shapes and forms. Life’s true journey is the process of uncovering and removing what’s in the way of our shining through with beauty and brilliance.

 

In support of helping us find the best in ourselves and others, consider the practice called "giving an A" that comes from one of my all-time favorite books, The Art of Possibility: Transforming Professional and Personal Life, by Rosamund Stone Zander and Benjamin Zander. This practice asks us to choose the perspective of seeing everyone (even ourselves!) as holding great potential. You can give an A to anyone—your spouse, children, employer, co-workers—even strangers.

 

Taking the familiar classroom example first, notice that when students think of themselves as C students, they may not bother trying very hard. If the teacher expects them to do poorly, the students are likely to fulfill that expectation. What would happen if the expectation were that the students were A students?

 

Benjamin Zander, a world-renowned conductor and teacher, experimented with giving As to all his graduate music students at the start of school. They were instructed to pre-date a letter to him from the end of the semester, writing to tell him not just what they had accomplished, but who they had become in the process of living up to that A. The results were amazing. Students who had been anxious over their performance and who were playing it safe, began to see themselves differently and participated at a higher level.

 

In our work lives, it is easy to fall into the habit of judging others (ourselves, too..) for not living up to what we think is right and then holding that judgment as always true—in essence, labeling them C or D students. Imagine coming from a perspective of believing in an associate’s creativity and potential. The result can be working together toward a shared goal of excellence.

 

The world is much more beautiful and full of possibility when we choose to focus on the work of art within rather than the excess stone that appears to be the reality. It’s really a choice of perspective. What grade do you want to live into?

To your success,

 

Mary

Living Your Life vs. Living "Out" Your Life

 

“Every man dies. Not every man really lives.”

~William Ross Wallace

 

On the plane home from my “mini vacation” in Florida yesterday, I sat next to an "old" man. He was quiet for most of the trip but every now and then, he’d ask me a question or engage me in conversation.

 

When I asked him about his trip, he shared that he had been in Florida for seven weeks, visiting his younger sister while recuperating from a recent knee surgery. I followed it up with an inquiry about how he liked Florida in general.

 

“Well,” he said, “it’s filled with lots of old people.” (I guessed his age at about 85…) He went on. “Actually, most of the people I met were not living life; they were just living out their life. I much prefer my neighborhood at home where there are young families and life is happening all around me.”  “I’m not that old.”

 

With an attitude like his, he could live to be 100!

 

Over the years, I’ve known people who, much younger than 85, are merely living out their life. They’re comfortable on “auto pilot,” going through the motions of daily living, settling for the status quo.

 

 Could this be you? Remember, “If you’re coasting, you’re either losing momentum or else you’re headed  downhill.” Is it time to step on the gas?

 

To your success,

 

Mary

What Does It Take to “Flourish”?

 

“Happiness depends upon ourselves.”

~Aristotle

I never thought I’d see this smiley face on the cover of my Harvard Business Review. Happiness discussed in a hard core business journal? And yet, there it was. That big happy grin was staring up at me as the most recent issue landed on my desk.

 

But in actuality, the influence and impact of positive psychology in the business community has grown leaps and bounds in the last several years. Just last year, Martin Seligman, who’s widely touted as the father of positive psychology, published the book, Flourish, a resource that highlights the latest research in the field.

 

And from Seligman’s perspective, the field of positive psychology has grown way beyond just the concept of “authentic happiness” to include what he terms as our overall “well being.” In Flourish, Seligman cites five key elements from the research that contribute to our well being:

 

1. Positive emotion- happiness and life satisfaction
2. Engagement-think “flow” or when you’re fully engrossed in a task
3. Relationships that are positive
4. Meaning- belonging to and serving something that you believe is bigger than yourself
5. Accomplishment pursued for its own sake

 

Think PERMA for short.

 

No one element defines “well being” but each contributes to it. Well being is a combination of feeling good as well as having meaning, good relationships and accomplishments. So maximizing all five of these elements leads to a flourishing life. Way better than just “happy.”

 

I’m able to apply Seligman’s concept of well being with my clients though their EQi 2.0 emotional intelligence self assessment. The assessment provides the client with a “well being indicator.”  It’s a great coaching tool and starting point in helping them learn more about themselves and what areas they can focus on to increase their well being, and ultimately, flourish.

 

What about you? Are you flourishing? What are the areas in your life and work that could use a tweak or a fresh look?

 

To your success,

Mary

Which wolf will you feed in 2012?

 

One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle

that goes on inside people.

He said, “My son, the battle is between two wolves inside us all.

One is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.” 

“The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith.” 

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather,

“Which wolf wins?”

 The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”

~Anonymous

 

Exactly two years ago this week, I was finishing up a great holiday vacation with my family in Florida. The trip was wonderful although on the day I wrote my blog post, “Which wolf will you feed in 2010?” the weather was unseasonably cold (40) for the fifth day in a row and I was struggling with my mood.

 

Stay positive, I wrote. Focus on the “Good” that I experienced during the week: good time with my family, good food and celebrations, good exercise and a jumpstart on my year’s fitness goals. “Feed the wolf with what’s right” rather than dwelling on what’s wrong.

 

Fast forward to today. I’m back in Florida with my family, and up until today (it was 32 this morning), the weather has been excellent. But today’s frosty Florida weather takes me back to my continued commitment of two years ago: to focus on the positive, to focus on helping my clients build on their strengths and to focus on helping them create what’s possible both in their professional and personal lives.

 

In short, using Martin Seligman’s term, my continued focus and effort for 2012 is to help my clients “flourish.”

 

So how about you? Which wolf will you feed in 2012? How will you create the opportunities in your life to flourish?

To your success,

 

Mary

Seasons of Love

 

“You know that love is a gift from up above

Share love, give love, spread love

Measure, measure your life in love.”

 Seasons of Love: Lyrics from the Broadway musical “Rent”

 

About 15 years ago around the holiday, my sisters and I planned a weekend trip to New York City with our then, 80 year old mother. It was to be a big weekend for her, a dream trip to the Metropolitan Opera to see her favorite opera, La Boheme. So for Friday night, we booked front row seats at The Met.

 

On Saturday night, we planned to take her to a Broadway play. My older sister heard great reviews on what was then the hot new ticket on Broadway, the musical Rent. To top it off, the story line of Rent was based on what was a modern day version of La Boheme. This would be perfect….

 

As it turned out, our well planned weekend was derailed when our Friday flight from Ohio was snowed in. Yes, we missed our Friday night at the Met. We were disappointed but looked forward to our “La Boheme like” musical for Saturday.

 

“Rent” did not disappoint. The music was fantastic and although the story line was a bit “modern” for my Mom, she took it in stride. (She dozed on and off through most of it, but woke up during peak moments where the expletives were flying!)

 

In the end, it was still for all of us, a memory of a lifetime.

 

So at this time of year, as I reflect on my past “Five Hundred Twenty-Five Thousand Six Hundred Minutes,” I’m reminded that it was a year of growth, learning, hard work, many successes and some setbacks.

 

But mostly, I’m filled with gratitude for the love and support of family, clients and friends. For me, it truly is a Season of Love.

 

Warm wishes for a wonderful holiday and a prosperous New Year!

To your success,

 

Mary

 

 

 

 

Cycle of Change: Are You “Cocooning?”

 

“We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes

it has gone through to achieve that beauty.”

~ Maya Angelou

 
 

 

My last two blog posts covered the first two Phases in Hudson’s four phase Cycle of Renewal; four predictable phases of change that we adults experience in our lives.

 

A reminder:

Phase 1 is Go For It! -- you’re in a world that works, in sync and creating new possibilities and opportunities, you’re optimistic and energized.

Phase 2 is The Doldrums -- a time when you’re out of sync, stuck, dependent on the past, perhaps in denial or resistant to change.

 

Leaving The Doldrums and Phase 2 involves either making minor changes in roles or behaviors and transitioning back to Go For It! or making  major changes by taking a different and deeper look at your life and entering Phase 3, which Hudson terms Cocooning.

 

Phase 3 and Cocooning involves turning inward, searching deep for meaning and identity. Taking stock and re-evaluating your life, your roles, your purpose or your passions.

 

As I mentioned in my post on The Doldrums, I found myself moving into Cocooning about seven years ago. During that time in my life, I examined my passions and purpose and how I was utilizing those in my career as a practicing CPA.

 

It turns out I wasn’t utilizing my own unique gifts and talents in a way that I felt was consistent with my values and purpose. And I just couldn’t see myself making minor tweaks in my role and returning back to the same unfulfilling professional responsibilities.

 

No, my deep introspection caused me to see an entirely new path for my professional world. A path as a coach and consultant emerged, a path focused on using my background and experience in a whole new way. My time in Cocooning enabled me to write a new script for my life.

 

My own coach was incredibly helpful during this time. She coached me from the “inside- out,” encouraging me to take stock of my passion, values and vision for the future I wanted to create.

 

She helped me develop my plan for utilizing the skills and experience I had accumulated while tapping into work that was truly important to me.  The outcome of my introspection and coaching work was new energy and a commitment to living my life “on purpose.”

 

One of the greatest Ah-ha moments I had during my own learning process was the fact that I was not alone. Lots of people just like me have experienced Cocooning and make their way successfully to the fourth Phase Hudson termed “Getting Ready” (More on that in my next post.)

 

Hudson’s focus on our understanding of the Cycle of Renewal is to help us identify where we are so that we can take the steps to move quickly from the Doldrums into more productive and positive phases.

 

So how about you? Do you see yourself in any of these previous three phases in the Cycle of Renewal? Are you stuck in the Doldrums or perhaps in Cocooning, re-assessing or re-evaluating your next steps?

 

I’d love to hear your comments and feedback.

 

To your success,

 

Mary