TheLeadershipNotebook

Stuffing It

 

“Anybody can become angry-that is easy,

but to be angry with the right person and to the right degree

and at the right time and for the right purpose and in the right way-

that is not within everybody’s power and is not easy.”

~Aristotle

 

 

I write and speak often about the concepts of emotional intelligence and the impact your EQ skill level can have on your career (and your personal life.) Specifically, I’ve discussed an EQ topic that is affectionately called an amygdala highjack: that point when your lizard brain takes over and your emotions cause you to say or do something that can lead to regret, embarrassment and outcomes that are often worse.

 

But there’s an opposite side of that coin: stuffing your emotions. Refusing to be assertive or even express what you’re feeling can be just as career-limiting as “popping off.”  That’s what’s happening to my client, Dan (not his real name).

Dan’s EQ 2.0 self-assessment reflected low scores in emotional expression and assertiveness and a high score in impulse control. Not an emotionally intelligent combination.

 

During our results review session, Dan shared his boss’s negative 360 feedback, which pretty much confirmed Dan’s self assessment. And according to his boss, Dan’s lack of emotional expression and assertiveness is severely limiting his career progression.

You don’t have to be a rocket scientist to understand the mental and physiological cost of stuffing your emotions. But there are additional costs as well. Here are a few more:

To relationships and trust: Relationships and trust are both built on two-way communication and sharing.

To perceptions: Sometimes this behavior can be seen as predictable or calculated, often sending the wrong message.

To respect and influence: It’s difficult to have influence and garner respect when those you lead don’t know where you stand.

 

What Dan (or You) Can Do

1. Become more aware of the types of emotions he has trouble expressing at work and understand what triggers them.

2. Look for a role model who he feels successfully expresses their emotions. He should seek their advice and perspective on what works for them.

 3. Tap into his skills in empathy and emotional self awareness to pay more attention to how others react when he does express his emotions.  

4. Understand what situations cause him to be less assertive than he should be. What situations make him cave?  

5. Sometimes when we don’t speak up, it’s because we are mired in thought when others want action. Think about that in advance of making a decision. What information or evidence will you need in order to feel comfortable acting.

 

Aristotle was right. It is difficult to express your emotions to the right degree at the right time for the right purpose in the right way. We know that an emotional explosion is not the right approach but neither is stuffing them.

Emotional intelligence skills CAN be learned. In fact, ultimately, your career success counts on it. Just ask Dan.

To your success,

 

Mary

An Unexpected Bonus

 

“Patience is not passive. On the contrary, it is active. It is concentrated strength.”

~Edward G. Bulwer-Lytton

 

I had a coaching meeting this week with “Rick,” a Partner of a very successful CPA firm. For some background, Rick is a “go getter,” operating with a sense of urgency in everything he does. This style worked well for Rick in the early years of his career. He could be relied on to get stuff done and that sense of urgency translated into great productivity.

That was then. Now as a Partner, Rick must get work accomplished with and through others. That’s difficult to do when you haven’t taken the time to build relationships with or develop others. When you rush about, not listening or connecting with those individuals you lead and rely on to deliver great work.

Rick has realized that in order for his practice to grow, to continue his success at work, he needed to make some changes.

Thus Rick came to me for coaching to build his self-awareness and get a handle on his impatience and de-motivating leadership style. Rick embraced the coaching from the beginning, learning about himself through self assessments and the questions we discussed during our coaching sessions. In addition he focused on practicing patience in his daily interactions.

Not only has he been practicing patience at work, he’s also been practicing patience at home with his wife and three young children. He had a real chance to practice with his kids on a recent family vacation. In fact, Rick just got back from an 8 day trip. All five of them traveled in a minivan to 6 different cities throughout the south. Yikes! This would be a true test….

So, this week, it was a special bonus and a surprise to read a note written to me by Rick’s wife on what a difference his new found patience has made for their family, especially on their recent vacation. “Calm,” “engaged” and “thoroughly enjoyable” were some of the words his wife used to describe the “new Rick.” The kids even commented on how fun Dad was. Rick’s response: “For that reason alone, it is definitely worth all the hard work and practice.”

Very cool.

The letter is a great reminder that while our work behaviors are important to our “success,” how we show up in our personal life can be every bit as impactful.

What about you? Are you aware of how your behaviors impact others? Do you rush through life, never stopping to connect or be fully present to others? What are the implications at work AND at home?

To your success,

Mary

5 Secrets of Olympic Coaches

 

“Coaches who can outline plays on a black board are a dime a dozen.

The coaches who win are the ones who can motivate their players.”

~Vince Lombardi

 

For us mere mortals, the 2012 Olympics has certainly been a display of amazing performances. From the “kids” in gymnastics to the swimming and diving feats of the US team, we’ve witnessed outstanding athletes and outstanding teams. But we can’t forget the coaches, some more public than others, providing non-stop encouragement and focus to their athlete.

While I don’t work with Olympic athletes, I do coach leaders who want to take their performance to the next level. And those leaders often must learn to make the transition to become internal coaches themselves, focused on developing their team members and direct reports to achieve outstanding results.

So I read with interest a recent HBR blog post by Marcie Schorr Hirsch and Therese S. Kinal, discussing the results of a study outlining what it takes for coaches to produce Olympic champions.

It’s interesting that the five critical areas cited in the study of Olympic coaches are not dissimilar to what we coaches (both internal and external) must provide to our “coachees.”

The five areas are below with my take on how they might apply to your world.

1.      Help the athlete cultivate self-awareness

You can help your direct reports develop self-awareness by helping them understand their strengths and areas requiring development. How might you build on their strengths to leverage great results? Do you know what really matters to your direct report? How they are best motivated. How are they able to learn and grow in areas that provide meaning and value to them AND to the organization?

2.      Build a strong coach-athlete relationship

Trust, commitment and a sense of partnership are integral to building a solid relationship with your coachee. This requires truly listening to them, without judgment. You must instill in them the confidence and trust that you believe in them and what they are capable of achieving.

 

3.      Create an optimal training environment

A great coach/manager must create an environment that provides the right amount of visibility and sponsorship that can propel a career. Throughout the Olympics, we heard athletes continually share how their coach challenged the athletes to achieve stretch goals. What kind of environment are you creating for your coachees?

 

4.      Provide financial and other support systems

Development of new skills requires an investment of both time and resources. A coach encourages and motivates her coachee to devote the time and effort it takes to practice these skills. A coach also holds her coachee accountable for their following through on responsibilities and stated committments.

 

5.      Manage the Olympic environment

Coach/mangers must challenge their “athlete” to see the bigger picture as they learn new skills. Politics are part of every organization and great coaches help their coachees gain a broader perspective that expands beyond their immediate sphere of influence.

 

I just finished watching the US Women’s Soccer team win the Olympic gold medal against Japan. It was an excellent game and team USA’s performance was outstanding. Coach Pia Sundhage did not receive a gold medal for the victory but knew that her focus was not on achieving fame and glory but on her team’s results. In fact, Sundhage’s quote about coaching Team USA mirrors my feelings about coaching my clients: “I’ve been lucky to coach them….it is unique. It’s wonderful.”

What do you think? How do you coach your employees to deliver outstanding performance? I welcome your perspective and input.

 

To your success,

 

Mary

Rate Your Client Relationships: Are You a Trusted Advisor?

 

“At its core, trust is about relationships.”

~David Maister

 

In my last two blog posts, I talked about two of the five key EQ skills needed to move from technician to trusted advisor: self actualization and emotional self-awareness.

It won’t come as a shock to you that the third EQ skill is your ability to build mutually satisfying relationships. The key words here are mutually and satisfying.

We’ve all been in client relationships that are one-sided or give us heartburn. Those relationships can never make it to a true trusted advisor status.

What I’m talking about in a trusted advisor relationship is based on a mutual give and take. You must give a favor to earn a favor.  In trusted advisor speak, you must “display your willingness to make an investment in the relationship in order to earn your client’s trust.”

What efforts do you put into maintaining healthy and effective relationships with your clients? Is your talk all technical and single focused? How do you get to know them on a personal level? What matters to them? Do they know what matters to you?  In the end, building a strong relationship requires a certain level of vulnerability and a willingness to open yourself up.

And we all know that a relationship that’s strong and satisfying is one based on thoughtfulness and openness to another’s ideas. The idea of collaboration and connection to others is something that trusted advisors value. And when a conflict arises, both parties work to resolve issues in a manner that is respectful and professional.

There is a misconception that strong trusted advisor relationships can only be built when the advisor is extraverted or gregarious. Quite the contrary. One of the most effective legal advisors I know is quite introverted but has forged strong relationships with his clients in a more reserved, one on one manner. Still strong. Still effective. Still a trusted advisor. He just accomplishes it in a more low-key manner. And his clients love him. He is their “go-to guy.”

How would you rate your client relationships?

If you didn’t choose excellent, what’s holding you back from building deeper, more meaningful relationships with the clients you serve? Regardless of whether you’re an introvert or extravert, you can begin today to build the skills that it takes for forge mutually satisfying relationships with your clients and move yourself to that coveted “trusted advisor” status.

 

To your success,

 

Mary

From Technician to Trusted Advisor: 5 EQ Skills That Make a Difference

”Giving advice is not an exclusively logical process,

but rather an emotional duet played between the advisor and client.

If you cannot learn to recognize, process and respond to a client’s emotions,

you cannot be an effective advisor.”

~David Maister

 

A couple weeks ago, I had coffee with Rob Nance of IShade. One of the top issues we discussed was the critical importance for CPAs (and other professionals like lawyers and engineers) to shift into a role of “trusted advisor” to their clients moving from a transactional problem solver or one-dimensional technician.

How can the shy or reticent professional, who is confident in the numbers they’ve crunched or statutes they site, move beyond the role of technician and into a role of a true advisor? Or how can the extravert stop talking long enough to listen to their clients in order to learn their most pressing issues?  

It turns out that developing professionals along 5 specific emotional intelligence (EQ) realms can make the difference between being seen as “just a bean counter” OR “a valued member of the client’s team.”

 

David Maister in his book, The Trusted Advisor, describes several distinct attributes.

Trusted Advisors focus on:

• the client, rather than on themselves
• the client as a whole individual, rather than a person fulfilling a role
• problem definition and resolution rather than technical or content mastery
• new ways to be of great service to the client
• doing the right thing rather versus achieving their own rewards
• quality client relationships

 

Over the next several blog posts I’ll share each of the five key EQ realms along with strategies for building your skills in these areas. We'll talk about the first, self-actualizaton, today.

 

Trusted Advisor EQ Skill #1—Pursuit of Meaning

All the skill building in the world won’t matter if you don’t find meaning or purpose or desire in becoming a trusted advisor to your clients. So ask yourself: What motivates me? Is becoming a trusted advisor a focus for me as I plan for my future? How committed am I to continuous improvement and building the skill sets that becoming a trusted advisor requires?

The process of becoming a trusted advisor is a journey not a destination. It’s a process of continuously honing your skills and abilities to become an outstanding resource for your clients. It often requires moving outside your comfort zone and stretching beyond your current capabilities.

If your answers to the above questions indicate that you are ready and willing to transition into this more advanced role, now take stock of your strengths and weaknesses. Ask yourself: What are my best gifts and talents that I can leverage as I make the transition? What do I enjoy currently in my role in serving clients? How can I take the skills I use successfully in my personal life and apply them in my professional world?

Becoming “self-actualized” may sound high minded or philosophical but it’s actually quite practical. When you are interested in persistently trying to improve yourself and engage in meaningful goals and objectives, great things can happen. Success, happiness and life satisfaction involve doing what you enjoy and finding ways to apply your talents and strengths.

Your assignment for the next week is to take stock of your strengths. What do you love to do in your job? What do you excel at? What gives meaning to the work you do? What are you motivated to achieve in your role? How about your areas for development? What are those? How motivated are you to shore those up?

Your journey to trusted advisor begins here.

To your success,

Mary

 

 

Give Yourself an “A”

 

“Faith in oneself is the best and safest course.”

 ~Michaelangelo

 

Michaelangelo said that in sculpting his masterpiece “David” that he was merely chipping away from the marble everything that was not David. In other words, one needs only remove the excess stone to reveal the work of art within.

 

When we apply this notion to us as humans, we discover that we are all works of art in all our varied shapes and forms. Life’s true journey is the process of uncovering and removing what’s in the way of our shining through with beauty and brilliance.

 

In support of helping us find the best in ourselves and others, consider the practice called "giving an A" that comes from one of my all-time favorite books, The Art of Possibility: Transforming Professional and Personal Life, by Rosamund Stone Zander and Benjamin Zander. This practice asks us to choose the perspective of seeing everyone (even ourselves!) as holding great potential. You can give an A to anyone—your spouse, children, employer, co-workers—even strangers.

 

Taking the familiar classroom example first, notice that when students think of themselves as C students, they may not bother trying very hard. If the teacher expects them to do poorly, the students are likely to fulfill that expectation. What would happen if the expectation were that the students were A students?

 

Benjamin Zander, a world-renowned conductor and teacher, experimented with giving As to all his graduate music students at the start of school. They were instructed to pre-date a letter to him from the end of the semester, writing to tell him not just what they had accomplished, but who they had become in the process of living up to that A. The results were amazing. Students who had been anxious over their performance and who were playing it safe, began to see themselves differently and participated at a higher level.

 

In our work lives, it is easy to fall into the habit of judging others (ourselves, too..) for not living up to what we think is right and then holding that judgment as always true—in essence, labeling them C or D students. Imagine coming from a perspective of believing in an associate’s creativity and potential. The result can be working together toward a shared goal of excellence.

 

The world is much more beautiful and full of possibility when we choose to focus on the work of art within rather than the excess stone that appears to be the reality. It’s really a choice of perspective. What grade do you want to live into?

To your success,

 

Mary

5 Tips for Effective Delegation

 

“The great leaders are like the best conductors-

they reach beyond the notes to reach the magic in the players.”

~Blaine Lee

 

Imagine you’re playing Leadership Jeopardy with Delegation as one of the categories.

 

“I’ll take Delegation for $500, Bob.” The answers could be any one of the following:

1.  “If you want something done right, do it yourself.”
2. “My team members are all too busy to take on more work.”
3. “I’m too busy to teach them the right way.”

 

The Question: What is: “Why I don’t delegate?”

 

I’ve heard these same worn out answers from my harried coaching clients. They’d rather work 25 hours a day than delegate to their eager and capable staff.

As leaders, we have two major priorities. Our first is to think strategically, crafting a plan and approach to solve our toughest problems. A second priority is to develop our teams to help us solve those problems.

But you don’t have time to do the first unless you’re committed to the second.

 

Leveraging leadership is all about giving yourself the opportunity to do what you do best, and making sure your teams can do the same. And you can’t do either without effective delegation.

So if we know we must delegate effectively to succeed, how can we move beyond thinking like the answers detailed above.

Here are 5 tips that you can use to begin to develop your leadership leverage:

 

1. Accept the fact that effective delegation is a leadership imperative and decide to improve your delegation skills immediately.  I’ve reviewed numerous position descriptions and competency models and completed scores of 360 interviews and assessments. In every case, effective delegation is a skill requirement for leaders at all levels. Don’t resist building this necessary skill.

2. Effective delegation involves understanding the competencies of your team.  Match the skills and abilities of the individual to the tasks to be delegated. Be patient. Know that they will not complete the task exactly like you would but that is the key part of their learning and development. Understand their focus for development. What is it that they want to learn to be more fulfilled? What do they need to learn to advance? Know how the delegated task fits their developmental needs.

 

3. Invest the time up front to make sure you teach them what they need to know to get them on their way.

 

• Clearly articulate your desired outcome. 
• Clearly articulate the time expected for completion.
• Clearly articulate the deadline for project or task completion.

 

Giving blanket orders to “do what it takes” or “get it back to me sometime next week” only sets both parties up for frustration and potential failure. Time spent up front provides greater returns on your investment once the project is complete. And that’s the definition of leverage.

 

4. Don’t get caught in “upward delegation,” which occurs when your staff attempts to give the project back due to time constraints or lack of understanding. Encourage your staff to focus on solving the problem and taking responsibility to complete the work. This is their time to learn and your time to lead.

5. Thoroughly review the completed work and provide feedback, positive if it meets your needs or constructive if the results are less than you expect. This is not the time to just “let it go” and rework it yourself.

 

Effective delegation provides a win-win solution for you and your team members. As the leader, you have developed and empowered your team to be more comfortable in taking on additional responsibility. This frees up available time for you to think strategically and work on more complex challenges.

So, what holds you back from more effective delegation habits? How can you break through to realize this is a win-win for both you as the leader and your team members who must develop in order to move forward?

To your success,

 

Mary

 

 

What Are You Missing?

 

“The beauty of a person, or a flower, or a poem lies in seeing all of it.”

~ Peter Senge

 

 

 

The 360º feedback was clear. Although Pam*, (*not her real name) excelled in many of the leadership skills required by her organization, she lacked a critical skill set for her future progress: an ability to think strategically. According to the individuals I interviewed, Pam lacked the perspective required to pull together various aspects of her role into a coherent, strategic view.

 

Pam, a CPA and a senior leader in a fortune 500 company, did not disagree with the results. “I’m so focused on the details and the “here and now” that I don’t make the time to look up and think about the bigger picture,” she shared.

 

Pam’s focus and comfort with the technical and tactical aspects of her role has served her well in her progression with her company. But as a newly named head of a major corporate project, she will be required to stretch out of her comfort zone and into a new and different way of thinking.

 

How can Pam learn to build a strategic mindset?

Of course, building this skill will be one of the primary focuses of our coaching work together. We’ll work to broaden her perspective of her company’s business, not just focusing on the narrow, financial aspects, but also exposing her to other information and data that will help her understand how what she does, impacts the overall results.

 

Peter Senge, in his book The Fifth Discipline, describes systems thinking as “a discipline for seeing wholes.”  It is a framework for seeing interrelationships rather than things, for seeing patterns of change rather than static “snapshots.” Much of strategy and systems thinking comes from having a curious mind and some imagination. Learning to ask questions and exploring “what ifs”. We’ll focus on building those muscles and mindset in Pam.

 

Pam will also need to delegate more of her day to day and tactical responsibilities to her team so that her time will free up for more planning and thinking about what’s next and how the project she’s leading fits into the bigger picture.

 

In the end, while Pam knows that strategic thinking is not one of her natural preferences, she knows it’s a skill set she can build. She also knows that this skill is required for future progress with the company. She’s committed to her leadership development and is definitely interested in seeing the big picture. After all, look what she’s missing.

 

 

 

What about you? How do you apply a systems perspective in your work? What are the strategies you use to broaden your perspective, to leave the tactical and shift to a strategic perspective?

 

To your success,

 

Mary

The Fallacy of the Pacesetter Leader

 

“If you want to lead people somewhere new, you need to meet them where they are.”

~Kerry Bunker

 

 

 

My client, we’ll call her “Sarah,” is an executive with outstanding technical expertise and a track record for “getting stuff done.” She gets stuff done alright, because she does most everything herself.

 

And if she doesn’t do it herself, she demands the highest performance standards of others with little guidance to the team or focus on her team members’ development. “They should just know what to do.”

 

Sarah believes she is a high impact leader. What she hasn’t realized until now is that the impact that she’s created is not at all positive.

 

Much of Sarah’s leadership behavior reminds me of the Pacesetter leadership style identified in one of my all time favorite books, Primal Leadership. The book, written by Goleman, Boyatzis and McKee is a bestseller on learning to lead with emotional intelligence.

 

Individuals with a Pacesetter style of leadership expect excellence and exemplify it.  Don’t get me wrong, the Pacesetter style can work well in certain situations; say during the entrepreneurial phase of a company or when team members need very little direction.

 

But even then, a Pacesetter leader’s relentless demands and unclear guidelines can have a very detrimental effect on the culture and climate of the team and ultimately on results.

 

Sarah’s had trouble with her team’s performance recently and it’s not dissimilar to the results indicated by the research reported in the book. Here’s some of the 360 feedback that I heard:

 

⇓ Flexibility -- “She does all the thinking.”

 ⇓ Feedback – “All I get is criticism.”

⇓ Responsibility – “She will do it if I don’t.”

⇓ Commitment – “I’m not cared about.”

 

The result is dissonance.

 

The more pressure Sarah puts on people for results, the more anxiety that she provokes. The more Sarah does herself, the less confidence her team has in their own capabilities. Pacesetters may get short term compliance, but they don’t get long term sustained performance.

 

Some Solutions for Sarah

 

• Build the EQ skill of empathy. Tap into what others may be experiencing as the result of her high intensity style.
• Improve her own self-awareness, understanding her own drive and feelings and the impact she is creating for herself as well.
• Enhance her ability to effectively communicate with her team by providing constructive performance feedback and connection to new learning possibilities.
• Build confidence in the capability of her team. Teach and develop them to fill the gaps. Sarah needs to “meet them where they are.”

 

 

What are your experiences with Pacesetter leaders? What is the impact of this leadership style on your motivation? What is the climate that this type of leadership style creates? I’d love to hear your experiences.

 

To your success,

 

Mary

 

 

Small Gestures, Big Impact

 

"We must not, in trying to think about how we can make a big difference,

ignore the small daily differences we can make which, over time,

add up to big differences that we often cannot foresee."

~Marion Wright Edelman

 

As I left my downtown office for lunch the other day, I flashed back to another summer day some 35 years ago that I remember like it was yesterday.

 

I was 20 years old and had my first “semi”-official job as an intern at what is now Ernst & Young. As the only woman “professional” on a staff of 50, it was just a bit overwhelming.  I was also on an extremely tight budget, needing every penny of internship earnings to get me back to the University of Cincinnati the next semester.

 

So you can understand why I packed a brown bag lunch each day and ate solo in the closest park.

 

After about two weeks of this, Jim Bachmann, the partner in charge of the recruiting program, called me into his office. My heart sank. “I thought I was doing really well,” I thought to myself as my anxiety rose with each step toward his office.

 

He began the conversation by acknowledging the quality of my work. (Big relief.) Then he asked me how I enjoyed working with all the other staff. I shared how everyone had been very friendly and helpful in teaching me the ropes in audit. 

 

“Great,” he said, then asked about my lunch routine. He must have seen me leaving each day with my lunch stuffed in my purse.  “Are you getting out with the team?”  “Well, not so much,” I replied.

 

And then he shared a piece of wisdom that has stuck with me to this day. “It’s just as important to forge relationships with the people you work with at lunch as it is during your work day.  It’s an integral part of your internship and I encourage you to make time for daily lunch with the group if you can.”

 

As I explained my tight budget, he pulled out a $20 bill from his wallet, saying, kindly, “This will help get you started.”

 

Beginning that day, I went out to lunch with the group at every possible opportunity. We talked about sports (remember it was me and the guys) and the latest happenings in the office and just got to know each other in a casual yet professional atmosphere.

 

I had the good fortune to return to the firm every other semester as I completed the UC internship program.  Six semesters later, I joined the professional staff in the Ernst office in Cleveland.

 

Ten years after that first summer, two of my former Ernst colleagues (and lunch companions) became my business partners in Toledo as we built another successful CPA firm. Today, they along with other former lunch buddies, are outstanding referral sources to my Executive Coaching firm.

 

I remember this story for several reasons.

 

First, it shows the incredible power of relationship-building and why it is a foundational skill for business success. Second, it was a piece of advice given at a crucial time in my own professional growth and development.  And finally, I’m reminded how a kind gesture – and a $20 bill – can have a value that is incalculable.

 

Jim Bachmann in one simple gesture taught me three powerful leadership lessons.

 

What about you? What is your experience with the value of relationship building? What is one piece of wisdom that you received at a crucial point in your professional life? What was the “small” yet powerful gesture that has made a difference in your career?

 

For me, I learned that day that it's the little things that really can make a BIG difference.

 

 

 

 

To your success,

 

Mary