TheLeadershipNotebook

Stuffing It

 

“Anybody can become angry-that is easy,

but to be angry with the right person and to the right degree

and at the right time and for the right purpose and in the right way-

that is not within everybody’s power and is not easy.”

~Aristotle

 

 

I write and speak often about the concepts of emotional intelligence and the impact your EQ skill level can have on your career (and your personal life.) Specifically, I’ve discussed an EQ topic that is affectionately called an amygdala highjack: that point when your lizard brain takes over and your emotions cause you to say or do something that can lead to regret, embarrassment and outcomes that are often worse.

 

But there’s an opposite side of that coin: stuffing your emotions. Refusing to be assertive or even express what you’re feeling can be just as career-limiting as “popping off.”  That’s what’s happening to my client, Dan (not his real name).

Dan’s EQ 2.0 self-assessment reflected low scores in emotional expression and assertiveness and a high score in impulse control. Not an emotionally intelligent combination.

 

During our results review session, Dan shared his boss’s negative 360 feedback, which pretty much confirmed Dan’s self assessment. And according to his boss, Dan’s lack of emotional expression and assertiveness is severely limiting his career progression.

You don’t have to be a rocket scientist to understand the mental and physiological cost of stuffing your emotions. But there are additional costs as well. Here are a few more:

To relationships and trust: Relationships and trust are both built on two-way communication and sharing.

To perceptions: Sometimes this behavior can be seen as predictable or calculated, often sending the wrong message.

To respect and influence: It’s difficult to have influence and garner respect when those you lead don’t know where you stand.

 

What Dan (or You) Can Do

1. Become more aware of the types of emotions he has trouble expressing at work and understand what triggers them.

2. Look for a role model who he feels successfully expresses their emotions. He should seek their advice and perspective on what works for them.

 3. Tap into his skills in empathy and emotional self awareness to pay more attention to how others react when he does express his emotions.  

4. Understand what situations cause him to be less assertive than he should be. What situations make him cave?  

5. Sometimes when we don’t speak up, it’s because we are mired in thought when others want action. Think about that in advance of making a decision. What information or evidence will you need in order to feel comfortable acting.

 

Aristotle was right. It is difficult to express your emotions to the right degree at the right time for the right purpose in the right way. We know that an emotional explosion is not the right approach but neither is stuffing them.

Emotional intelligence skills CAN be learned. In fact, ultimately, your career success counts on it. Just ask Dan.

To your success,

 

Mary

What Does It Take to “Flourish”?

 

“Happiness depends upon ourselves.”

~Aristotle

I never thought I’d see this smiley face on the cover of my Harvard Business Review. Happiness discussed in a hard core business journal? And yet, there it was. That big happy grin was staring up at me as the most recent issue landed on my desk.

 

But in actuality, the influence and impact of positive psychology in the business community has grown leaps and bounds in the last several years. Just last year, Martin Seligman, who’s widely touted as the father of positive psychology, published the book, Flourish, a resource that highlights the latest research in the field.

 

And from Seligman’s perspective, the field of positive psychology has grown way beyond just the concept of “authentic happiness” to include what he terms as our overall “well being.” In Flourish, Seligman cites five key elements from the research that contribute to our well being:

 

1. Positive emotion- happiness and life satisfaction
2. Engagement-think “flow” or when you’re fully engrossed in a task
3. Relationships that are positive
4. Meaning- belonging to and serving something that you believe is bigger than yourself
5. Accomplishment pursued for its own sake

 

Think PERMA for short.

 

No one element defines “well being” but each contributes to it. Well being is a combination of feeling good as well as having meaning, good relationships and accomplishments. So maximizing all five of these elements leads to a flourishing life. Way better than just “happy.”

 

I’m able to apply Seligman’s concept of well being with my clients though their EQi 2.0 emotional intelligence self assessment. The assessment provides the client with a “well being indicator.”  It’s a great coaching tool and starting point in helping them learn more about themselves and what areas they can focus on to increase their well being, and ultimately, flourish.

 

What about you? Are you flourishing? What are the areas in your life and work that could use a tweak or a fresh look?

 

To your success,

Mary

The Time is Now

“Change almost never fails because it's too early.

 It almost always fails because it's too late.”

~Seth Godin

 

The CPA Horizons 2025 Report was just released last week. Following up on the CPA Vision Project tackled over 10 years ago, the Report is a culmination of study and strategic planning completed over the last six months by a wide variety of thought leaders and members in the profession.

The Report identified the core competencies necessary for CPAs to compete in the marketplace including:

 

• Communication Skills
• Leadership Skills
• Critical Thinking and Problem Solving Skills
• Anticipating and Serving Evolving Needs
• Synthesizing Intelligence to Insight
• Integration and Collaboration

 

In summary, the roadmap drawn for the profession calls on CPAs to be open to change, be nimble and adapt, be collaborative and forward thinking.

 

Frankly, the CPA profession isn’t alone in requiring its members to embrace change, seek collaboration and look beyond today. And the competencies above are the same I see required in virtually all of my executive coaching clients.

 

Regardless of the profession or industry, these skills are mandatory for leadership right now.

 

What Are Your Sacred Cows?

 

I’m facilitating a CPA firm’s Strategic Planning Summit in a couple weeks and this report will provide the Firm’s leadership team with insight into the future of the profession and also a reminder of the core skills needed for the team in the future.

 

In planning the Summit, the Managing Partner is committed to putting everything on the table. “Same old, same old” will no longer work and “We’ve always done it this way” will no longer be a valid excuse for not changing an ineffective office practice, policy or behavior. The leadership team is focused on challenging their “sacred cows” and moving beyond the status quo. That’s great news and a cornerstone of their strategic intent.

 

The attitude of challenging your sacred cows applies both at the organization level and at the individual level. How are your own beliefs and perspectives getting in the way of embracing change, of collaborating or of anticipating your client’s needs? How are you holding yourself back from becoming the effective leader your firm needs you to be?

 

The CPA profession has done a tremendous job of identifying the key challenges and required skills needed over the next 15 years. And CPAs have always been great problem solvers. But the real growth and development opportunities for members in the profession lie squarely in the leadership and change realm.

 

The time is now. We can’t afford to wait until 2025.

 

To your success,

 

Mary