“He who knows the universe and does not know himself knows nothing.”
~Jean De La Fontaine
So you’ve decided you want to move from technician to trusted advisor.
Last week’s blog post introduced the first required EQ skill of a trusted advisor: pursuit of meaning. It is your deep desire to achieve your goals and to make a difference for your clients.
You’ve identified your strengths. You’ve reflected on what gives meaning to the work you do. You’ve tapped into the motivation you have to make the changes required to move to a role of trusted advisor.
But here’s the next critical piece of the trusted advisor puzzle. It’s your awareness of the emotions that you feel on an ongoing basis, your emotional self-awareness.
Self-awareness is a critical foundation of emotional intelligence and leadership because what we are unaware of, we cannot change. We must be conscious of what we are feeling, why we are feeling it and the impact these feelings have on others. And it’s the impact that makes all the difference.
In other words, if we cannot take our own “emotional temperature,” we are at risk of behaving in ways that undermine our ability to listen to, connect with or solve our client’s problems. In short, we inhibit our ability to move to a trusted advisor relationship.
My client, Joe*, could not understand why he was not as successful as he wanted to be in gaining traction with his client base. He had all the technical components down cold. He could answer any questions that he was asked about the tax code and the tax ramifications of his clients’ decisions. But he couldn’t move beyond the technical and develop a more trusting and collaborative relationships with his clients.
Joe was clueless. He was unaware that he was short with his clients, lacking patience in truly listening to their needs. He was irritated when he had to repeat the same answers over and over and let his clients know that in his body language and tone of voice. Joe had no idea how he was “showing up” and how he made his clients feel.
The goal of emotional self-awareness is to gain some fundamental understanding of what our trigger points are. This awareness helps us to manage ourselves in our daily interactions, to understand the situations that generate angst for us and to learn how to read our clients, enabling us to understand the impact of our behaviors on them.
When Joe took his emotional temperature over a two week period, he saw regular themes in his daily interactions. Joe kept a record over of two week period of the times he felt anger, happiness, anxiety, fear and sadness. He described the situations that triggered the feeling, the bodily sensations that accompanied it (i.e. clenched fist, heart pounding etc.) and the internal dialogue he had with himself in the moment.
Joe was motivated to change and this process allowed him to evaluate the consistent themes that occurred as well as the consistent players that gave rise to the emotions. He also came to notice more of the emotions that arose for his clients. Was he talking to them at a bad time in their day? How were his client’s behaviors indicating their own emotions?
Tapping into your awareness of what you are feeling and why you are feeling it is a critical skill for a trusted advisor. Watching and being aware of how you are being perceived by your clients in the moment, allows you to shift your behavior in real time rather than perpetuating an ongoing problem.
What do you think? Have you taken your emotional temperature? Do you know how your emotions affect other people? Do you know what emotions help or hinder your performance?
The wise philosopher, Socrates, said “Know Thyself” for a reason.
To your success,
Mary
*not his real name
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