TheLeadershipNotebook

When Peer Pressure is a Good Thing

 

"Pressure makes diamonds."

~General George S. Patton

 

The rain was coming down sideways, in virtual sheets. My husband and I looked at each other and I asked: “Are we really going to ride our bikes in this?” “Oh I doubt it,” he assured me.  It was Day 1, Hour 1 of our 5 day biking tour through the hills of the Loire Valley in France.

 

We were novice bikers but our friends and fellow riders assured us that we would be “just fine.” Yes, we had done some training but not on hills (we live in farm country) and NEVER in the rain. No, it just never occurred to us that it could be, or would be, raining cats and dogs!

 

Our tour leader-guides, Anna and Stephanie, never stopped their cheery disposition and reminded us that the French countryside was beautiful, there would be wine and/or croissants along the way and “we’d be so proud of ourselves” when we completed the tough ride. They must have taken a play out of the EQ play book that says the leader’s emotions are contagious. They refused to show any hesitation or doubt that our journey in the rain would be worth it.

 

As we watched in disbelief, each of our fellow riders mounted their bikes. Darn.

 

But Marty and I had our pride. We refused to be the only two people to ride in the van to our next stop. No, we would go. We climbed on our bikes and started to ride. With the rain coming down, we road all of our 20 miles, up and down hills and valleys, through small country towns and roads lined with vineyards. All in the non-stop driving rain.

 

And I hate to admit it, it was a memorable day. We were proud of ourselves for completing the ride. We enjoyed the scenery and spent the day riding with some new friends. In this case, peer pressure worked.  Pushing us to achieve more than we ever imagined. We rode for two more days in the rain and peer pressure again encouraged us to complete a ride of 50 miles on Day 4.

 

I know I’m describing a circumstance that pales in significance to many of the challenges that we face. Succumbing to peer-pressure is not cool. But think back on a time when your peers encouraged you to do or accomplish something outside of your comfort zone. To solve a problem, to stay the course when you wanted to give up. Sometimes, a little peer pressure can make all the difference.

To your success,

 

Mary

Your Success Rules: Time to Upgrade to Your Next Version?

 

“Like everyone who counts most in the world, he (Steve Jobs)

made himself up as he went along, improvised himself out of scratch…”

~David Gelernter, Professor of Computer Science, Yale University

Wall Street Journal

10/07/11

 

 

I’ve read a lot about Steve Jobs in the last couple weeks. He was obviously brilliant, visionary, creative, and fundamentally a design wizard. But the author of a recent Wall Street Journal opinion piece captured what to me was one of Job’s most inspiring attributes: “he made himself up as he went along.”

 

He was always upgrading his own personal operating system, not settling for the status quo. Taking life’s lessons and molding them into his own updated “version” of his best self.

 

This attribute resonates with me. Maybe it’s because of my own personal experiences with change and reinvention or the work I do in coaching others who are basically “improvising themselves” as well.  But regardless, I believe it is one lesson that we can learn from Steve Jobs.

 

Is it Time to Upgrade Your Personal Operating System?

What are your rules for success? Are you working from an outdated operating system? One that served you well at one point, but is based on a set of assumptions and beliefs that no longer fit in your life or your career?

 

It’s a coaching question I ask my clients who are looking at creating different outcomes for themselves in a whole host of professional or personal situations.

 

Recently, when I asked a client, I’ll call “Paul,” a CPA firm Partner working on improving the quality of his client base and the profitability of his firm, his “rules” were as follows:

 

1.      “Everyone must like me.”

Which translates to: A fear based approach that requires he must maintain relationships at all costs. Think: “disease to please.”

 

2.      “People must have access to me at all times.”

Which translates to: no boundaries between his personal and professional life.

 

3.      “Your crisis is my crisis.”

 Which translates to: doing tons of extra work that he is not compensated for.

 

4.      “I take any client regardless of complexity or fee range.”

 Which translates to: a lack of focus and working for some clients below the level of his expertise.

 

5.      “Each client gets equal attention regardless of fee level or payment history.”

Which translates to: the dud clients who don’t pay still get his attention.

 

Clearly, these rules for success are outdated and are based on a “start up” practice mindset left over from years ago. Not only are these personal guidelines no longer working for Paul, they are actually inhibiting his firm’s growth and development.

 

Asking Paul these questions in the context of coaching hit a nerve. He had been so focused on having his clients “like him” that he lost sight of how he was training his clients to treat him.

 

He had been so focused on building his revenue stream, he lost sight of the true cost in serving the “C” clients that zap his energy and his time to develop his own higher quality accounting and consulting business.

 

Looking at it from an outside, objective view, of course these rules are obviously ripe for change. But Paul had been too close to see it. Paul knows now that it’s time for him to upgrade his operating system to whatever version accommodates his vision for success.

 

What about you? Do you need to take a step back and ask yourself: What are the rules for success that I live by? Are they outdated and ready for an upgrade? We may not possess Steve Job’s genius or creativity but we sure can emulate his continuous improvement mindset.

 

To your success,

 

Mary

 

Tough Guys And Soft Skills ~ Football Greats Connect the Dots on Success

 

“Emotions are like waves. You can’t choose them,

but you can choose which ones you ride.”

 ~ Walter Payton

 

This is a guest post by Elizabeth Conlisk, V.P. Communications and University Relations of Big Ten Network (and my sister).

 

It’s Chicago Ideas Week, and all over the city, famous athletes, entertainers, politicians and business people are on panels about such topics as “Heroes,” and how we can become them; “The Future of News,” and “Social Entrepreneurship.”

 

The panel I attended yesterday was under the heading of “Sports,” and its description suggested we could “gain unique insight from current and former athletes, sports journalists and industry experts on the value of good coaching, win or lose.”

 

I never expected to hear how keeping your head and heart connected was an important, yes even critical, element to succeed.

 

Held at Walter Payton Prep in Chicago, the panel was an all-star cast: Israel Idonije, a Chicago Bears defensive end who’d just played on Monday Night Football, Hunter Hillenmeyer, who recently retired from the team; and Jarrett Payton, son of the great Walter, also a former NFLer, being led by Ronnie Lott, who was inducted into the football Hall of Fame in 2000.

 

These were “manly men,” all. Big guys. Tough guys who hit and got hit hard for a living.

 

And yet their message had little to do with physical toughness, and competing on the field. I was struck by how these men, some still playing, talked about how important it is to:

 

• Have the right mental vision for success.
• To connect your head with your heart.
• Believe passionately you can succeed.
• To value every one of your teammates, no matter if they’re a star, a starter or the   last person on the depth chart.
• Define success not just by what you do on the field but by the strength of your relationships with others.
• And have the same laser vision to handle both success AND adversity.

 

Sounds like some great lessons on success AND leadership.

 

 

Thanks, Elizabeth. This is a great reminder that connecting head and heart, working and leading with emotional intelligence, transends across all aspects of our lives and remains a fundamental cornerstone of our success. 

 

To Your Success,

 

Mary

 

Taking the REAL Temperature

 

“Reality doesn’t bite, rather our perception of reality bites.”

~Anthony J. DeAngelo

 

 
 

“My presentation stunk.” My client, Barbara (*not her real name), was absolutely beside herself when she relayed her feelings on the results of her big presentation to the CEO and fellow leadership team members.

 

“Say more,” I responded.

 

“Oh, I was awful, not engaging and lacked the executive presence I’ve been working hard to improve.”

 

“What feedback did you receive from the members who attended?” I asked.

 

“Well, I haven’t had a chance to follow up with any of them, but I guess a few people said “nice job” when the meeting ended.”

 

“So what makes you think you performed so poorly?” I was still looking for some facts to back up her self-criticism.

 

“I just have a feeling.” Barbara replied sheepishly, realizing that her emotions had taken over with no real facts to support her feelings.

 

Our coaching meeting ended with an assignment for Barbara to seek feedback from three members of the leadership team who saw her in action during her presentation. And I’m sure you’ve guessed the results.

 

“Outstanding.”  “Passionate delivery.”  “Excellent presence.” “Knows her stuff.” Those were just a few comments Barbara heard, totally blowing away her perceptions of the results of the meeting. She had spent an incredibly unproductive week stewing over her fear, expecting the worst.

 

Can you relate to Barbara’s experience?

 

The REAL Story

In emotional intelligence vernacular, Barbara’s skill in the area of Reality Testing had taken a dive.

 

The skill of Reality Testing is our ability to accurately assess what we experience versus what objectively exists. It is our capacity to see things as they are, rather than the way we wish they were (think rose colored glasses) or fear they might be (Barbara’s example).

 

This EQ skill is like having a good thermometer, one that accurately takes the temperature of a situation. Reality Testing involves taking steps to see past our emotional hopes, fears, and biases so that we can recognize situations for what they really are.

 

Reality Testing leads to success because it brings with it the capacity to accurately identify and address problems that are really there, and recognize and build on opportunities that are also based in reality.

 

In a group situation, Reality Testing is a complement to self awareness (where you assess your “internal” temperature). Reality testing, on the other hand, allows you to measure accurately the “external temperature” in a given set of circumstances.

 

Great leaders have a clear reading of their environment. No wasting energy, stress and focus over situations that just aren’t real.

 

What You Can Do

If you operate with rose-colored glasses or find yourself reacting like “Debby Downer” (or Barbara) take a step back and do a reality check.

 

Ask yourself whether there have been many situations where it turned out that you misread important information. Everyone will do this from time to time but here your task is to honestly appraise whether this happens to you frequently enough to warrant attention.

 

Next, to test the impression developed from reviewing your own memories, get input from people who know you well and whom you trust. Ask questions like:

 

• Do you think that I wear rose colored glasses about some subjects?   Or
• Do you think that I look at things with too many negative expectations?

 

Barbara’s experience reminded her that before she sets out on a path assuming the worst, she needs to take a step back, accurately assess the data and ask herself if her fear is based in reality or on some irrational emotion.

 

Had she gathered some facts and assessed the information, she would have saved herself a lot of time and angst and actually been pleased with her results.

 

To your success,

 

Mary