“In spite of warnings, nothing much happens until the status quo becomes
more painful than change.”
~Laurence J. Peter
Last week’s blog post, Go For It!, reflected on the behaviors and characteristics of individuals in Phase One in Hudson’s Cycle of Renewal. Goal oriented, energetic, focused and congruent are all attributes that can be used to describe us when we’re in this Phase.
Sooner or later however, we reach a point where we get flat or out of synch. We become bored or disillusioned. Or often, life circumstances like the loss of a job or a divorce launch us into Phase Two, which Hudson appropriately calls, The Doldrums.
About seven years ago, I found myself in The Doldrums. I lacked passion for my role in the financial consulting world. The last of my daughters was preparing to head off for college. My 85 year old Mom, who was a fixture in my life, passed away.
These circumstances created a time for me when I felt stuck and “out of gas.” My attitude and perspective was negative and I felt immobilized.
One of my current coaching clients, Mark, is in The Doldrums. He didn’t use those words but he describes feeling stuck and unable to see how he can extricate himself from his current situation.
Working day to day in a job that has little connection to his signature strengths and desire for advancement, he came for coaching for help in crafting and creating the next chapter in his life. One of Mark’s challenges is that he remains stuck in the past and is resistant to taking responsibility for creating his future. He knows however that he must do “something.”
Coaching with Mark (and my own personal experience with my coach) focuses on crafting an “exit strategy” from the Phase, working on shifting from a dependence on the past and “the way it’s always been” to a future orientation.
Coaching questions in this Phase include:
- What's the price for staying where you are?
- How can we work to make decisions for moving ahead?
- What obstacles are still in your way and how can we remove them?
- How can we create a “graduation” so you can say good bye to your old chapter?
Unfortunately, we adults stay in The Doldrums far too long. Remaining unhappy or continuing to complain or whine is far easier to many than risking a new direction.
But it’s important to remember that at this point, you do have two additional options. You can change your script by tweaking the ineffective parts of this chapter in your life and reenter Phase One (Go For It!). Or you can begin a transition toward a brand new chapter. (More on that in my next post.)
Mark is working on changing various aspects of his professional life and certain limiting behaviors, a so called “Mini Transition,” so that he can reenter the Go For It! Phase.
Seven years ago, I took a different path and along with my coach, embarked on crafting a Life Transition. I left behind a financially successful but unfulfilling career as a financial consultant and embarked on building my new career as a coach and consultant who facilitates individual and organizational change. I'm firmly back in the Go For It! Phase.
As I mentioned last week, the Cycle of Renewal, describes the definite pattern to our personal experience of change. According to Hudson, “if you know that pattern, and where you are in it, you can identify the best choices for guiding your life, no matter how much change you are enduring.”
It stinks to be in The Doldrums.
But the good news is that you don’t have to stay there forever. You can take the steps (baby steps are good) to transition your way to create your next chapter.
To your success,
Mary
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