TheLeadershipNotebook

Three Good Things

 

“No pessimists ever discovered the secret of the stars or sailed to an unchartered land

 or opened a new heaven to the human spirit.”

~Helen Keller

 

I’m usually a very optimistic person. But this week, after the fifth consecutive day of rain, grey skies and 40 degree “spring” weather, I have to admit, my mood was a bit grey as well. “Life” (and the crummy weather) got the best of me and I needed to snap out of it.

Timing is everything.  Yesterday, I was reminded by a fellow coaching colleague of the power of positivity. Larry, also a part time college professor who teaches a course on Positive Psychology, hosted a discussion on the topic at our monthly International Coach Federation chapter meeting. Positive psychology has surged in popularity in recent years due to the work of researchers like Martin Seligman, Barbara Frederickson and Chris Petersen. They’ve shared tons of scientific data that show the power of a positive, optimistic, hope-filled approach to life.

I’ve always been a big fan of positive psychology and I focus on a positive and strengths-based approach with my coaching clients. So I know this stuff intellectually. But this week, I just needed to get my heart aligned with my head.

Larry shared an exercise that he has his students do. Try it and see what you think.

Three Good Things – At the end of each day, after dinner and before going to bed, write down three things that went well during your day (can be small – loaned notes from class – or large – sister just gave birth).  Add a brief explanation of why the event was a good one and why it happened.  Do this every night for a week. This exercise will help you train your brain to look for the bright spots in every day.

And it will make you realize that lots of good things are happening. In fact, they’re always there. We sometimes just forget to look.

 

To your success,

Mary

 

 

Yes! No. Yes?

 

“The art of leadership is saying no, not saying yes. It is very easy to say yes.”

~Tony Blair

  

Do you have a hard time saying no? Are you double booked and stretched thin with commitments, not wanting to let anyone down? Do you continually struggle to walk that fine line between asserting yourself and maintaining your relationships?

I was in a meeting the other day with “Mike,” a lawyer and coaching client who had just gotten a call to take on another new case. Great news, right? But Mike was swamped and when he looked deeper into the terms of the engagement, he found that the case would take him far outside his “sweet spot” with adverse implications to his remaining case load and client base. He had the option to turn the case down, yet he was struggling with the decision and found it nearly impossible to say NO.

Can you relate to Mike? I know I could.

So I relayed to Mike a process I’ve used when I find myself struggling with saying No. It’s a process found in the book, The Power of a Positive No, written by William Ury.  Ury shares the possibility of saying No yet still retaining your power AND your relationships. The result is not an either/or proposition but a situation where you can retain BOTH at the same time. This approach works.

Ury says that the key to a Positive No is respect. You give respect to yourself and what’s important to you and at the same time, you give respect to the others involved.  Preparing your Positive No is the first critical step.

To properly prepare, don’t start with No. We must start with a Yes! Yes to what’s really important to you. Reach down to your core. What do you really want? In Mike’s case, he was committed to bringing his life back into balance. He was focused on his family commitments and limiting his case load to those projects that were in the “sweet spot” of his expertise. Attaching to your Yes! empowers you to say No.

Your next step then is to make it possible for the other to hear No. Mike responded to his prospective client by expressing his appreciation for considering him to take the case. Mike went on to share his commitment to his family (kids ages 6 and 2) and his clear focus on taking cases within his particular niche. His No, expressed in a matter of fact manner, did not reject this potential client but rather was accomplished with acknowledgement and respect.

Finally, when you say No you must follow through, remaining committed to your response even when the other’s reaction may not indicate resounding acceptance. Should your No be challenged, stay true to yourself and your commitment. Continue to stand up for what’s important to you, yet honoring your relationship. Mike did that and even offered names of other attorneys who’d be great choices to take the case. That was his follow through: Yes?

As Ury states, delivering a Positive No requires courage, vision, empathy, fortitude, patience and persistence. A tall order. But in the end, you have the opportunity to retain BOTH your personal power and your relationships.

What successful strategies have you used to say No?

To your success,

Mary

 

Tax Day: Then and Now

 

Today is April 15^th. In my “first” career as a practicing CPA, each April 15^th marked the end of “busy season.” In my former firm, regardless of whether you worked in audit or consulting, we all waited to celebrate until our friends in the tax department hit their deadline. It was always a big day for me professionally, but even more so, personally.

As a working mother of three daughters, each “busy season” brought on extra levels of angst.  What was I missing when I wasn’t home? Was I still a good mother, even though I had to work long hours and every Saturday from January to April? And, when I was with my girls, was I fully present to them rather than distracted or exhausted? Even all these years later, writing this brings up those old feelings of self judgment and doubt.

But each year I was raising my daughters, I felt guided by the belief that by being fully engaged in my role as a financial professional and firm leader, I was displaying for my daughters the confidence and determination that I hoped for them as they grew into adulthood. That each would embrace their own responsibility for creating the possibilities in her life.

Some years went better than others, for sure. But these questions always remain tough ones for any working mom.  There are no “yes/no” or “right/wrong” answers.  So, we focus on doing the very best we can as moms.

Fast forward to today, April 15, 2011. My daughters are now age 28, 26 and 24. Each is a young adult, pursuing their own careers and experiencing their own angst about life’s tough decisions. And yes, they have embraced the responsibility to create their own life.

So here I am, in Charlottesville Virginia on April 15^th, with my middle daughter, Lisa. She’s invited me to be her “road trip buddy” as she checks out the Darden Business School at University of Virginia on admitted students day. It’s an honor to be invited to share in this experience with her. As the only “mom” in the introductory session, I feel a bit out of place. But as she introduces me proudly to everyone she meets - “This is my mom, Mary” - I feel those years of angst and self doubt just melt away.

So, to all you working moms out there struggling to get to your own version of “April 15^th” or “busy season,” I can tell you with some amount of pride, and a large lump in my throat, that the payoff is indeed large as you watch your “little girl” soar.

Oh, and one more thing….I wasted a lot of negative stress and energy always thinking I should be in the place I was not. If I could have a do-over, I would live these words:

“Be fully present in the moment no matter what you are doing,

the best in you will reveal itself."

 ~Master Jin Kwon

 

To your success,

Mary

Google’s “Discovery: Eight Habits of Highly Effective Google Bosses

 

“I never cease to be amazed at the power of the coaching process to draw out

 the skills or talent that was previously hidden within an individual,

and which invariably finds a way to solve a problem previously thought unsolvable.”

~John Russell, Managing Director Harley-Davidson Europe Ltd.

 

Google’s discovery was described in an article published a couple of weeks ago in the New York Times. The article shared the results of Google’s search for the skills, qualities and behaviors that set their best managers apart; those leaders that make teams perform better, lead to better retention and just simply happier, more productive employees.

In short, by analyzing the behaviors and habits of their top managers, Google leaders sought to answer the question, “What makes them that good?” And then they used this information as a model to begin building a company of better bosses.

So, this data mining giant did what any data mining giant would do: they mined the data. Performance evaluations, feedback surveys, nominations for top manager awards all served as data input in looking for their answers. And once the results were in, they ranked the eight habits in order of importance.

And the Winner Is

 

1. Be a good coach

According to Google, “What employees valued most were even-keeled bosses who made time for one-on-one meetings, who helped people puzzle through problems by asking questions, not dictating answers, and who took an interest in employees’ lives and careers.”

Sounds to me like a description of a great coach!

 

The remaining habits….

2. Empower the team and don’t micromanage

3. Express interest in team members

4. Don’t be a sissy- be productive and results oriented

5. Be a good communicator and listen to your team

6. Help your employees with career development

7. Have a clear vision and strategy for the team

8. Have key technical skills so you can help advise the team

 

The order of importance, with technical skills falling in last place, was not always the case at Google. “In the Google context, we’d always believed that to be a manager, particularly on the engineering side, you need to be as deep or deeper a technical expert than the people who work for you. It turns out that that’s absolutely the least important thing. It’s important, but pales in comparison. Much more important, is just making that connection and being accessible.”

So the next time you feel driven to bone up on the latest technical pronouncement, legal finding or engineering question, ask yourself if your team members could better benefit from some one on one time. Can you utilize your valuable time to connect, or to coach them to solve their biggest challenges?

In the end, according to Google, being a great coach to your employees is what sets you apart from the rest.

To your success,

Mary