“The only healthy communication style is assertive communication.”
~Jim Rohn
Last week I wrote my blog post, Top Dog on a Tightrope, on the importance of being assertive. This morning, I read a post by HBR blogger and leadership consultant Peter Bregman titled, Don’t Be Nice, Be Helpful. His post shared a similar message but applied being assertive to the critical skill of providing constructive feedback. Do you want to be nice or helpful?
Given that one of our key leadership requirements is developing others, learning how to assertively communicate constructive feedback is imperative. But how many times do we hold back, not wanting to “hurt someone’s feelings” when NOT providing the feedback can be even more cruel? We know deep down that being assertive and honest can actually be a gift to the receiver.
The following are some suggestions I give to my clients when giving constructive feedback:
- When preparing yourself for the feedback conversation, tune into your skill of empathy. Imagine that you are on the receiving end of your comments and craft your message accordingly.
- Set the stage for the feedback conversation so your employee is mentally prepared for it. For best results, set a location that is private and power neutral.
- State the behavior, observation or situation objectively. Be as specific and factual as possible. Avoid making inferences or stating opinions which are easily debatable and less useful for the listener.
- Communicate the significance of the situation. Share the impact of your employee’s behavior, error or actions on your stakeholders, team or organization.
- Dialogue with your staff about possible solutions to the situation. Ask for their perspective on how they could resolve the situation.
- Express your sincere interest in your employee’s development and confidence in their abilities. Ongoing feedback, especially positive feedback, is crucial for his or her development. It is one of your fundamental responsibilities as a leader.
There’s no way around it. Assertiveness is a skill that you just can’t ignore.
To your success,
Mary
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