TheLeadershipNotebook

FOXY

“The pessimist sees difficulty in every opportunity.

This optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.”

 ~Winston Churchill

 

“This is the best salmon I’ve EVER had!” Sally, also known as “Foxy”, beamed as she expressed her compliments to the chef.  You’d think we were dining at a 5 star restaurant. Actually, those were the words describing a pressed slab of grilled salmon on a stark white plate at Max & Erma’s last Saturday. Foxy shared her pleasure with the waitress who actually looked puzzled by the feedback.

But we just smiled. That positivity was continually on display during the time that my husband, Marty, and I spent with spent with Foxy during our nursing home visit and lunch excursion last weekend.  You see, Foxy is a perfectly sharp 91 year old (young) woman. She’s eaten at many fine restaurants in her long life but this experience, this salmon, was the best EVER.

But it was more than just the salmon. Sally asked about our daughters, where they were living and what they were doing in their respective worlds. She is fully engaged in the world. She follows sports and politics and is up on the latest results with the oil spill. And because she knows of our connections to the financial world (my husband is a banking lawyer and I have a background as a CPA), she asked with interest for our opinions on the latest attempts at financial regulations.

I first met Sally, oh I mean Foxy, about three years ago. She is a friend of one of my sister’s and through an odd set of Sally’s family connections, Sally settled in a Toledo nursing home to be closer to her family. Sally shares a 10x10, linoleum floored room with her roommate Evelyn (“who’s always cranky”) but that doesn’t deter Sally.  “I love it here!”  Sally readily admits.

Over the years since I’ve known Sally, I’ve visited her sporadically. And each time I visit, her attitude and disposition have never wavered.  She’s had us captivated during a few holiday dinners where she has shared her background and experiences (certainly not all positive) but through it all, she remains hope filled and full of enthusiasm and joy.

Foxy is a reminder to all of us of the power of positivity. I know through my coaching work and research that emotions are contagious. Now when I just think of Foxy, I smile. She confirms all the research out there and reminds me what an impact my moods and disposition can have on others.

How about you? What’s your approach to the world?

To your success,

Mary

‘The Decision’: Who’s Responsible?

…This is a guest post written by Elizabeth Conlisk, Vice President of Communications and University Relations for the Big Ten Network and, in full disclosure, Elizabeth is my sister.

 

“I think that the advice that he received on this was poor. His performance was fine. His honesty and his integrity shined through. But this decision was ill-conceived, badly produced and poorly executed.”  - NBA Commissioner David Stern on LeBron James’ television special

 

 

I’ve been stewing about LeBron’s decision ever since the debacle known as “The Decision” aired a week ago. Not because LeBron went to the Miami Heat. Not because he aired a self-aggrandizing one-hour show that, as Seth Meyers joked on the ESPYS, could have been whittled down to 3 seconds: Miami.

 

As a PR professional, I’m mildly offended that so many are saying that LeBron got “bad advice” from his PR and marketing team. Having worked in the communications profession for more than 20 years, I don’t know any successful PR pro who would have advised LeBron to announce the decision the way that he did. Because we all know the hit to his reputation that has resulted. I’ll bet our communications coordinator, a recent Kansas journalism grad, could have told us that’s what would happen.

 

The real issue, though, isn’t whether he did or didn’t get “bad advice.” The real issue is responsibility. Regardless of what his arguably well-paid advisers told him, in the end, LeBron is the one who made the decision to handle “The Decision” the way that he did. In the end, his brand is his responsibility. And I guess his brand these days is more about “look at me, I’m the King” versus “beloved hometown hero.”

 

Just as it is with all of us. How many times do we say “no one told me,” or “that’s not in my area,” or provide some other excuse when we fall short.  As leaders, accepting responsibility for both the good and the bad should be in our DNA. Learning from mistakes is critical. And sharing what we’ve learned with our people extends their education in a way that will help the team in the long run.

 

What is your philosophy when it comes to responsibility? Do you encourage accountability in your team? Do you accept mistakes as part of the process, but believe they are valuable learning tools? Creating an environment where people feel it’s OK to take risks – and sometimes make mistakes – results in expanded thinking and often better results.

 

In my fast-paced world as a communications executive with a TV sports network, we sometimes make mistakes. They happen. Our goal is to not repeat them and learn from them. Every day we have countless opportunities to do that.

 

In the sports world, controversies in college sports and cycling are finally beginning to shove LeBron from the headlines. Lots of opportunities for people to step up and accept responsibility for their actions. Let’s see if they do.

 

 

Elizabeth’s post reminds us that true leadership happens in our daily decisions and the personal responsibility we take for them.

 

To your success,

 

Mary

Thinking About Thinking

 

“Never be afraid to sit awhile and think.”

   ~Lorraine Hansberry

 

 

 

Each day on my commute to my downtown office, I pass by the main branch of the Toledo-Lucas County public library. And each day, I can’t help but notice the quote gracing the outside of the library building.  “Never be afraid to sit awhile and think.” What a novel thought. I feel like the words are speaking right to me or others like me: we’re in perpetual motion, moving and “doing” often without giving ourselves the time to stop and “think” or reflect. And in our crazy world of “go, go, go,” who has time to sit awhile and think? 

Well, it turns out we all have time. Or we should make time. The go-go existence that we lead can actually prevent us from learning from our experiences, becoming more creative or making better decisions. Research on the critical facets of learning indicates that the practice of reflection actually enhances our ability to assess ourselves. And being able to accurately assess where we are leads us to better evaluate what’s working for us in a given situation and what needs to be improved. The practice of reflection is clearly an integral part of learning.

Now when I’m talking about thinking and reflecting, I’m not only talking about sitting in the lotus position and chanting in meditation (although many find the process of meditation very helpful). Others find that their best time for thinking is while taking a walk or a going for a run. Many also identify the shower as a time for problem solving or spurring creativity. Unfortunately, we can’t stay in the shower all day. But what we can do is to create the regular discipline or habit of taking time to pause and reflect on challenges, opportunities or situations that come up.

The time I spend with my coaching clients provides a great opportunity to facilitate their focused reflection and learning. Asking reflection questions helps clients come to a deeper understanding of their situation and encourages them to participate in their own learning.

 So here is a sample of some of the many coaching questions I might ask to facilitate reflection:

· What did you learn?

· What does this mean?

· What is possible?

· What more information do you need/want?

· What is working? What makes it work?

· When are you most creative?

· What do you want that you do not have now?

· What do you know to be true now?

Since I started my regular running practice, (coincidentally after I moved to my new office location) I have found that the time spent running is also a valuable time for me to think and reflect.

What about you? What thoughts do the reflection questions above generate for you? I encourage you to make the commitment to take the time to “sit awhile and think.” It will be time well spent.

To your success,

Mary

Stepping INTO It

I just got back from a memory packed 8 day vacation. My husband and I traveled to The Netherlands and Belgium for the primary purpose of visiting our youngest daughter, Emily, who is working in The Hague this summer as a legal intern. Emily was fortunate to have 4 days off from her job as a legal researcher on an international war tribunal and the three of us set off for 6 days of European sight-seeing.

We had a great time being tourists, drinking lots of Belgian beer and eating Belgian chocolates at every opportunity. We were in The Netherlands during several of the World Cup Soccer games and everywhere we went, Holland’s locals were crazy about their national “football” team.

I could regale you with numerous stories of our adventures (trust me, there were many) but one thing that amazed me throughout our time together was Emily’s navigational ability. She has always had great sense of geography (she has served as our family’s compass for years) but this particular trip was challenging because of the twisting turns of the cobblestone streets in many of the small European towns we visited. There was not a simple way to get anywhere and we found ourselves continually referring to our walking map, and to Emily, to re-orient ourselves. And it was Emily who always knew the correct way to reach our desired destination.

I finally asked her: How do you do that?

“Sometimes you just have to step INTO it,” she said. “It gives you a much better perspective.” As I thought about her comment, it struck me how applicable “stepping INTO it” is for many of our communication and relationship challenges. Looking at a problem or conflict from another person’s perspective is the skill of empathy, one of the cornerstones of effective leadership. Empathy is also a critical skill for negotiation as well, understanding what the other side wants and working to create a win-win result.

Empathy involves understanding others' perspectives, even if they are much different from your own. Usually, but not always, it involves letting the other person know that you have understood them. Empathy is non-judgmental. We can hear and care about what someone else thinks and feels without deciding if their feelings are good, right, bad, wrong, etc. Of course, empathy requires some level of genuine interest in the other person.

Ironically, “stepping into IT” can be the result when we fail to have empathy, when two parties have trouble appreciating each others’ perspective. Mastering the skill of empathy is a work in process for many of us.

So in your relationships, ask yourself about your ability to be empathic, to step into a situation and look at it from the other person’s perspective. It’s one of our most powerful approaches to truly connect and communicate with another person.

Emily’s back at work now and so am I. But the memories and experiences of my summer vacation will certainly remain with me for a long time.

To your success,

Mary