TheLeadershipNotebook

Twelve Communication Errors Leaders Should STOP Now

 

“We spend a lot of time teaching leaders what to do.

We don’t spend enough time teaching leaders what to stop.”

 ~Peter Drucker

Good communication is a wonderful thing. We hunger to receive constructive feedback on our performance or an “atta girl” when you’ve done something right. We truly value hearing the words “great job” or “thank you.” On the other side of the coin, silence is a very effective form of communication. Being listened to shows we’re respected and builds connection.

 

In the end, powerful communicators help you understand how your work contributes to the broader business objectives. They let you know why the work you do matters.

 

But there is a dark side to communication. Executive Coach Marshall Goldsmith in his book, “What Got You Here Won’t Get You There,” cited several communication blunders that leaders need to STOP now. I’ve witnessed many of these same behaviors in my own leadership journey and in working with coaching clients and their 360 respondents.

 

So here’s a quick tip: if you really want to be more effective as a leader, take a look at the list below. Identify those you’re guilty of and in the words of Bob Newhart, STOP it! 

 

Too Much Communication

 

1.  Adding too much value. The overwhelming desire to add your two cents to every discussion.

2.  Making destructive comments. The needless sarcasm and cutting remarks that you think make you sound sharp and witty.

3. Starting with “no,” “but” or “however.” The overuse of these negative qualifiers, which secretly convey to everyone, “I’m right. You’re wrong.”

4. Telling the world how smart you are. The need to show people you’re smarter than they think you are.

5. Speaking when angry. Using emotional volatility as a management tool. (This is a big one to stop.)

6. Negativity (“Let me explain why that won’t work.”). The need to share your negative thoughts, even when you haven’t been asked to do so.

 

Not Enough Communication

 

7. Not listening. The most passive-aggressive form of disrespect for your colleagues.

8. Withholding information. The refusal to share information so you can maintain an advantage over others.

9. Failing to give proper recognition. The inability to praise and reward.

10. Claiming credit you do not deserve. The most annoying way to overestimate your contribution to any success.

11. Refusing to express regret. The inability to take responsibility for your actions, admit you’re wrong or recognize how your actions affect others.

12. Failing to express gratitude. The most basic form of bad manners.

 

 Do you see yourself in any of these communication “don’ts”? If so, awareness is the first step in changing bad behavior. Pick one of two of your most derailing behaviors and make it a priority to set yourself on a different communication path.                                              

 

Are there other communication blunders you see leaders routinely make? How do these behaviors get in the way of your commitment, engagement or focus?

 

To your success,

 

Mary

Leading Change: Part 2

 

“You go first and lead the way.”

~Tom Flick

 

I spent the last couple days attending the annual Winning Is Everything Conference out in Las Vegas. The event gathers CPA leaders from a wide variety of firms across the country. The focus is on sharing current practice management challenges and opportunities impacting the CPA profession.

 

For me, a former practicing CPA firm partner and executive coach for many CPA leaders, it’s a great opportunity to keep a pulse on what’s happening in firms across the country.

 

This year, from the opening presentation on, I sensed a definite shift in focus and perspective in firm leaders. Now, more than ever, they shared, outstanding leadership is imperative. The consistent message came from keynote speakers, panel participants and leading consultants to the profession. And great leadership is not just critical at the Managing Partner level. It’s throughout the firm, regardless of your title or role.

 

Amen.

 

Tom Flick, former pro football quarterback, was a highlight. He gave a rousing keynote address, focusing on many of the transformational change imperatives espoused by John Kotter in his book, Leading Change. Creating a sense of urgency, instilling a vision and strategy and empowering others were just a few of the leadership “musts” that Flick touched on. I smiled as I listened to Flick’s presentation, remembering a blog post I authored on the topic a couple of years ago. These CPAs were listening.

 

Flick’s reminder is timely. The profession is in full blown merger mania, with combinations happening in large and small firms across the country. We all know that there’s more to mergers than dollars and cents. They impact people. (Full disclosure, my former firm was merged into Plante Moran in the late 1990s.)

 

As firms continue to combine, strong, transformational leadership is needed to create a positive and productive surviving culture. To make sure that 1+1 is way more than 2.

 

The published theme of the conference was BE A HERO: Think Outside of the Box. And that’s exactly what great leaders do.

To your success,

 

Mary

 

What Are You Missing?

 

“The beauty of a person, or a flower, or a poem lies in seeing all of it.”

~ Peter Senge

 

 

 

The 360º feedback was clear. Although Pam*, (*not her real name) excelled in many of the leadership skills required by her organization, she lacked a critical skill set for her future progress: an ability to think strategically. According to the individuals I interviewed, Pam lacked the perspective required to pull together various aspects of her role into a coherent, strategic view.

 

Pam, a CPA and a senior leader in a fortune 500 company, did not disagree with the results. “I’m so focused on the details and the “here and now” that I don’t make the time to look up and think about the bigger picture,” she shared.

 

Pam’s focus and comfort with the technical and tactical aspects of her role has served her well in her progression with her company. But as a newly named head of a major corporate project, she will be required to stretch out of her comfort zone and into a new and different way of thinking.

 

How can Pam learn to build a strategic mindset?

Of course, building this skill will be one of the primary focuses of our coaching work together. We’ll work to broaden her perspective of her company’s business, not just focusing on the narrow, financial aspects, but also exposing her to other information and data that will help her understand how what she does, impacts the overall results.

 

Peter Senge, in his book The Fifth Discipline, describes systems thinking as “a discipline for seeing wholes.”  It is a framework for seeing interrelationships rather than things, for seeing patterns of change rather than static “snapshots.” Much of strategy and systems thinking comes from having a curious mind and some imagination. Learning to ask questions and exploring “what ifs”. We’ll focus on building those muscles and mindset in Pam.

 

Pam will also need to delegate more of her day to day and tactical responsibilities to her team so that her time will free up for more planning and thinking about what’s next and how the project she’s leading fits into the bigger picture.

 

In the end, while Pam knows that strategic thinking is not one of her natural preferences, she knows it’s a skill set she can build. She also knows that this skill is required for future progress with the company. She’s committed to her leadership development and is definitely interested in seeing the big picture. After all, look what she’s missing.

 

 

 

What about you? How do you apply a systems perspective in your work? What are the strategies you use to broaden your perspective, to leave the tactical and shift to a strategic perspective?

 

To your success,

 

Mary

Which wolf will you feed in 2012?

 

One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle

that goes on inside people.

He said, “My son, the battle is between two wolves inside us all.

One is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.” 

“The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith.” 

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather,

“Which wolf wins?”

 The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”

~Anonymous

 

Exactly two years ago this week, I was finishing up a great holiday vacation with my family in Florida. The trip was wonderful although on the day I wrote my blog post, “Which wolf will you feed in 2010?” the weather was unseasonably cold (40) for the fifth day in a row and I was struggling with my mood.

 

Stay positive, I wrote. Focus on the “Good” that I experienced during the week: good time with my family, good food and celebrations, good exercise and a jumpstart on my year’s fitness goals. “Feed the wolf with what’s right” rather than dwelling on what’s wrong.

 

Fast forward to today. I’m back in Florida with my family, and up until today (it was 32 this morning), the weather has been excellent. But today’s frosty Florida weather takes me back to my continued commitment of two years ago: to focus on the positive, to focus on helping my clients build on their strengths and to focus on helping them create what’s possible both in their professional and personal lives.

 

In short, using Martin Seligman’s term, my continued focus and effort for 2012 is to help my clients “flourish.”

 

So how about you? Which wolf will you feed in 2012? How will you create the opportunities in your life to flourish?

To your success,

 

Mary

A Growth Mindset For 2012

 

“…decades of research on achievement suggests that successful people

reach their goals not simply because of who they are,

but more often because of what they do.”

~Heidi Grant Halvorson

 

It’s the end of 2011. And with 2012 just around the corner, it’s time to reflect on the year that’s passed and chart some new (or re-commit to current) goals for the coming year. It’s time to craft your goals for success (however you define it.)

 

But for my coaching clients and I’m sure many of you, goal setting and achievement is not just an end of the year thing. It’s an ongoing focus on our continuous improvement and development.

 

So just what do successful people do differently in order to reach their goals? Researcher, Heidi Grant Halvorson identifies nine things in her incredibly popular HBR blog post from February 2011.

 

Here they are in summary form:

1. Get specific.
2. Seize the moment to act on your goals. (decide when and where you will take each action you want to take, in advance.)
3. Know exactly how far you have left to go.
4. Be a realistic optimist.
5. Focus on getting better, rather than being good. (Believing you have the ability to reach your goals is important, but so is believing you can get the ability.)
6. Have grit. Grit is a willingness to commit to long-term goals, and to persist in the face of difficulty.
7. Build your willpower muscle. Your self-control "muscle" is just like the other muscles in your body — when it doesn't get much exercise, it becomes weaker over time. But when you give it regular workouts by putting it to good use, it will grow stronger and stronger, and better able to help you successfully reach your goals.
8. Don't tempt fate. No matter how strong your willpower muscle becomes, it's important to always respect the fact that it is limited, and if you overtax it you will temporarily run out of steam.
9. Focus on what you will do, not what you won't do. 

 

Several of the actions Halvorson identifies are consistent with goal setting best practices outlined in the SMART goals approach. Specific, measurable, attainable, relevant and time bound is the standard for goal setting.

 

But #5, “focus on getting better, rather than being good” requires a shift in perspective for many

 

 Your Mindset

Researcher, Carol Dweck, in her book Mindset: The New Psychology of Success identifies two different mindsets, the growth mindset (getting better) and the fixed mindset (being good). One perspective can positively impact the achievement of your goals and the other will keep you stuck in your ways.

 

The fixed mindset creates an internal monologue that is focused on judging: “Are you sure you can do it? Maybe you don’t have the talent?” “This means I’m a better/smarter/richer person than they are.” Worse yet, this mindset provides no solution or options to overcome your challenge.

 

People with a growth mindset are also constantly monitoring what’s going on, but their internal monologue is not about judging themselves and others in this way. They are attuned to the situation’s implications for learning and constructive action. They ask themselves questions like: “What can I learn from this? How can I improve? How can I help my coworker do this better?”

 

So in the context of Halvorson’s suggestions, #5 and embracing the growth mindset is critical for success and your goal achievement.

 

For 2012

As you establish your goals for 2012, evaluate them in terms of Halverson’s research and your own view of your current mindset. If you happen to already possess a growth mindset, that’s great news. If yours is fixed, however, Dweck identifies a few steps to help you make the shift:

1. Learn to hear your fixed mindset “voice.”
2. Recognize that you have a choice.
3. Talk back to it with a growth mindset voice.
4. Take the growth mindset action: i.e take on the challenge whole heartedly, learn from the setbacks and try again or hear the criticism and act on it.

 

Goal setting, progress and achievement are integral to my work as a coach. Combining the proven research on successful change with practical approaches and support is the foundation for my work.

 

I’d love to hear some of your best practices on goal setting and achievement. What works best for you? How will you achieve your goals in 2012?

 

To your success,

Mary

 

Seasons of Love

 

“You know that love is a gift from up above

Share love, give love, spread love

Measure, measure your life in love.”

 Seasons of Love: Lyrics from the Broadway musical “Rent”

 

About 15 years ago around the holiday, my sisters and I planned a weekend trip to New York City with our then, 80 year old mother. It was to be a big weekend for her, a dream trip to the Metropolitan Opera to see her favorite opera, La Boheme. So for Friday night, we booked front row seats at The Met.

 

On Saturday night, we planned to take her to a Broadway play. My older sister heard great reviews on what was then the hot new ticket on Broadway, the musical Rent. To top it off, the story line of Rent was based on what was a modern day version of La Boheme. This would be perfect….

 

As it turned out, our well planned weekend was derailed when our Friday flight from Ohio was snowed in. Yes, we missed our Friday night at the Met. We were disappointed but looked forward to our “La Boheme like” musical for Saturday.

 

“Rent” did not disappoint. The music was fantastic and although the story line was a bit “modern” for my Mom, she took it in stride. (She dozed on and off through most of it, but woke up during peak moments where the expletives were flying!)

 

In the end, it was still for all of us, a memory of a lifetime.

 

So at this time of year, as I reflect on my past “Five Hundred Twenty-Five Thousand Six Hundred Minutes,” I’m reminded that it was a year of growth, learning, hard work, many successes and some setbacks.

 

But mostly, I’m filled with gratitude for the love and support of family, clients and friends. For me, it truly is a Season of Love.

 

Warm wishes for a wonderful holiday and a prosperous New Year!

To your success,

 

Mary

 

 

 

 

The Fallacy of the Pacesetter Leader

 

“If you want to lead people somewhere new, you need to meet them where they are.”

~Kerry Bunker

 

 

 

My client, we’ll call her “Sarah,” is an executive with outstanding technical expertise and a track record for “getting stuff done.” She gets stuff done alright, because she does most everything herself.

 

And if she doesn’t do it herself, she demands the highest performance standards of others with little guidance to the team or focus on her team members’ development. “They should just know what to do.”

 

Sarah believes she is a high impact leader. What she hasn’t realized until now is that the impact that she’s created is not at all positive.

 

Much of Sarah’s leadership behavior reminds me of the Pacesetter leadership style identified in one of my all time favorite books, Primal Leadership. The book, written by Goleman, Boyatzis and McKee is a bestseller on learning to lead with emotional intelligence.

 

Individuals with a Pacesetter style of leadership expect excellence and exemplify it.  Don’t get me wrong, the Pacesetter style can work well in certain situations; say during the entrepreneurial phase of a company or when team members need very little direction.

 

But even then, a Pacesetter leader’s relentless demands and unclear guidelines can have a very detrimental effect on the culture and climate of the team and ultimately on results.

 

Sarah’s had trouble with her team’s performance recently and it’s not dissimilar to the results indicated by the research reported in the book. Here’s some of the 360 feedback that I heard:

 

⇓ Flexibility -- “She does all the thinking.”

 ⇓ Feedback – “All I get is criticism.”

⇓ Responsibility – “She will do it if I don’t.”

⇓ Commitment – “I’m not cared about.”

 

The result is dissonance.

 

The more pressure Sarah puts on people for results, the more anxiety that she provokes. The more Sarah does herself, the less confidence her team has in their own capabilities. Pacesetters may get short term compliance, but they don’t get long term sustained performance.

 

Some Solutions for Sarah

 

• Build the EQ skill of empathy. Tap into what others may be experiencing as the result of her high intensity style.
• Improve her own self-awareness, understanding her own drive and feelings and the impact she is creating for herself as well.
• Enhance her ability to effectively communicate with her team by providing constructive performance feedback and connection to new learning possibilities.
• Build confidence in the capability of her team. Teach and develop them to fill the gaps. Sarah needs to “meet them where they are.”

 

 

What are your experiences with Pacesetter leaders? What is the impact of this leadership style on your motivation? What is the climate that this type of leadership style creates? I’d love to hear your experiences.

 

To your success,

 

Mary

 

 

Conquering Organization and Time Management from the Inside Out

 

 

• “My office is a disaster area.  I can’t find anything.”
•  “I’m always late for meetings and appointments.”
•  “I can’t seem to meet my deadlines.”
• “My disorganization is driving me crazy.”

 

Do any of these statements describe your situation? If so, you’re not alone. These are actual comments made to me by four different coaching clients. Each client expressed the frustration and stress they felt as a direct result of their disorganization. In each case they said, “Something has to change.”

 

It’s not surprising. A lot is expected of today’s leaders. Increasing demands on our time and resources require a new way of operating. The chaos we create for ourselves is more stressful than productive and our disorganization wreaks havoc on our lives and the lives of our coworkers, family and friends.

 

As I shared with each of my coaching clients, there is hope! We do not have to accept disorganization as a way of life. However, just like any valuable endeavor requiring change, moving from disorganization to organization requires us to shift how we think, feel and behave.

 

When you think of being “organized,” what comes to mind? According to Marilyn Paul, author of the book, “It’s Hard to Make a Difference When You Can’t Find Your Keys” being organized means you can:

 

• find what you want, when you need it
• complete your tasks in a timely way
• arrive at your destination when you choose
• keep agreements, and make agreements that you can keep
• focus on what is important to you
• do all of this with a great degree of presence of mind

 

Sounds great doesn’t it?

 

How can I Get There?

"How can I get there?” That’s what each of my clients asked. For those of you who have tried unsuccessfully the “only handle it once” technique or similar tactical approaches to organization, it’s time to think about becoming organized in a new way. My clients came to learn that getting organized required them to understand how their thoughts, behaviors and beliefs were negatively impacting their desire:

 

• to live with confidence, knowing they could find something when they needed it
• to live with reliability, knowing they would show up when they said they would
• to live with responsibility,  in meeting their deadlines
• to live with the calm of knowing that they could count on themselves

 

The Seven Step Change Cycle

In her book, Paul describes a cycle for change applied specifically to creating a path for organization. Thus, Paul’s cycle was an excellent tool that I integrate with one on one coaching in helping my clients when organization (or lack thereof) is their coachable issue. Her approach is an extremely useful framework for focused change in behaviors, thoughts and beliefs.

 

The steps in the cycle along with some of the representative questions are below:

 

Step 1 ~ Establish Your Purpose

 Why do you want to get organized? What is your disorganization costing you?

What will you gain from creating new, organized behaviors that you want?

Step 2~ Create your Vision

How would I like my home or work space to be?

 How will I feel when I arrive to my meeting on time?

 How will I feel when I do what I say I will do?

Step 3~ Take Stock of your Current Reality

How do I organize myself now? What choices am I currently making?

What areas of disorganization (i.e. clutter, timeliness, etc.) are causing the most challenge?

Step 4~ Choose Support

What kind of support do I need?

Who can help me stay the course in this valuable change effort?

Step 5~ Draw on Organizing Wisdom

This step is where the practical solutions come in. When we integrate the tactical organizing process with the deeper changes in beliefs, habits and behaviors, success is possible.

 Step 6~Take Effective Action

How will I overcome my blocks to change? What specific steps will I take?

 Step 7~Go Deeper to Keep Going

How can I sustain these changes?

 How can I stay motivated to learn and grow through the change process?

 

This Seven Step Change Cycle integrates well with my Retained Learnings™ Coaching Program and my clients have experienced success as they work through the process with the support of me as their coach and change agent.

 

The Bottom Line

When you challenge your underlying thinking, feelings and beliefs and begin practicing new behaviors, fundamental change can occur. Utilizing the Seven Step path to organization as outlined by Marilyn Paul provides a new opportunity for restoring or beginning a life of order and control.

 

How do you stay organized? What practices and belief systems get you to where you need to be on time? I’d love to hear your ideas on “organization from the inside out.”

 

To your success,

 

Mary

 

 

 

 

YOUR Career: Own It!

 

 “I know what a difference the organization can make

because Deloitte was really a trailblazer with our women's initiative.”

But… “No matter what your organization may do to help promote your career,

at the end of the day, it won’t matter unless you perform and

watch out for your own career.”

 ~Sharon Allen 

Former Chairman of the Board of Deloitte, LLP

 

“…it won’t matter unless you perform and watch out for your own career.” Well said, Sharon Allen.

 

For most of my early years as a practicing CPA, I was one of just a few females in a male dominated profession. Over the last 15 years, many more women have entered the profession.

 

But as I’ve mentioned in a prior post on the topic, women have yet to “crack the code” where a representative number of women find themselves in Partner roles in CPA firms. As a leadership coach (and mother of three daughters), I continue to look for (and work towards) progress in this area.

 

So although she’s not a CPA, when IBM announced that Virginia Rometty would become the first female CEO in IBM’s 100-year history, I was thrilled. I was especially excited for one of my daughters, a newly minted Notre Dame MBA who started in a marketing role at IBM just four months ago. What a fabulous role model for Sarah.

 

When I read about Rometty’s promotion, I especially noted the comments made by her soon-to- be predecessor, CEO Sam Palmisano. “Ginni got it because she deserved it,” Mr. Palmisano said. “It’s got zero to do with progressive social policies,” Mr. Palmisano added.

 

While I believe that there are many positives about the role of women’s initiatives at many progressive companies, at the end of the day, I share Ms. Allen’s views as she was quoted above. What matters most in your career, regardless of gender, is the proactive approach you take in making your own success, however you define it. 

 

I’m not saying you have to go it alone. Actually, leaders like Ms. Allen and Carolyn Buck-Luce of Ernst and Young suggest that you must ask for help and seek sponsors and supporters who will help you develop and provide the all-important feedback you need to excel.

 

But taking charge of your career and the legacy you want to leave has been a mantra that I can relate to. I can admit that it hasn’t always been smooth sailing for me. I’ve experienced lots of success as well as disappointments along the way. But what I’ve learned is that at the end of the day, we play the primary role in creating our own career destiny.

 

As an executive coach and mom of three daughters, I will continue to encourage my clients, and my daughters, to seek personal and professional development opportunities, ask for ongoing feedback, look for sponsorship as they progress in their careers and be active communicators, promoting themselves to those who have input into their career progression.  

 

The word promotion comes from the Latin word, promovere, meaning “to push onwards,” certainly not a dirty word, especially to many of our male counterparts.

 

So I ask you, both men AND women: What are you doing to take charge of your career? How are you promoting your accomplishments or seeking sponsorship for your progression? I’d love to hear some of the best practices that have worked for you.

To your success,

 

Mary

 

A Pre-Holiday Reminder

 

“I have come to the frightening conclusion that I am the decisive element. 

It is my personal approach that creates the climate. 

It is my daily mood that makes the weather. 

I possess tremendous power to make a life miserable or joyous.”

~Goethe

 

Thanksgiving is almost here. And (if you ask the retailers), the Christmas holiday is right around the corner. Great times to spend with family and friends. And yes, time for increased “to-dos” and often self-inflicted stress.

 

The quote above is one of my favorites. It reminds me that my emotions are contagious. That I am in charge of what I think and how I behave. It reminds me that having my family all together at Thanksgiving is a joy and one I look forward to each year, even if the turkey doesn’t come out perfectly.

 

So when you feel like getting irritated with your Aunt Jane who always comes late to dinner or make yourself crazy by adding one more (unimportant) task to your list, remind yourself that you are instrumental in creating your climate.  And how you choose to behave will have lasting impact on those who mean the most to you.

 

You possess the power to make a life miserable or joyous. Which one do you choose?

 

 

To your success,

 

Mary